| A
newcomer to BDSM recently contacted me about scheduling a session. During our
conversations he brought up the point that my site, though fairly well-done had a major
flaw. There was NO information about the Whats and Hows of a session.
The following is a list of questions that he asked BEFORE our session and my
answers to them via E-mail.
Following this is a more thoughtful FAQ created by the same person
AFTER our session. Some of the questions and answers may be repeated.
| Is there any
charge for a pre-session meeting as you recommend for newcomers? |
No. I do not charge for
time spent outside of the dungeon. However you will be required to pick up the lunch
or dinner tab.
|
|
| What is correct dress, is formal
required or casual ok? |
Casual dress is perfect. Since you will probably end up
without any clothes on, no sense in "over dressing".
|
|
| What is the correct way to give the donation?
Cash in an envelope, check, credit card? |
Each Domina is different so I can't speak for them.
For me, I do not accept checks or credit cards. I typically ask the client to leave
the tribute on a shelf in my dungeon. Unlike most, I do not expect to be paid up
front. Unless we've already agreed upon an
extended session, at the end of the initial 60 minutes I will stop and advise you that
you are at your time limit. At this point you will need to make a decision. I
suggest that you come prepared for a minimum of one extra hour. The clock doesn't start
until AFTER we are in the dungeon.
My rates are clearly posted on my web page and the client is
reminded to review the session rules and rates before coming to see me. I don't bargain
and I don't haggle over my rates. They're far below San Francisco market rates and have
been the same for the past 3 years.
|
|
| What happens when we meet? Do we talk first
and then what? |
|
Since I'm the "chatty"
sort of Domme, I almost ALWAYS talk first! And if you're a newcomer then this is the time
for you to ask questions. I do not expect you to march straight into the dungeon without
having a bit of time to relax, drink a cup of coffee or water and go to the bathroom.
|
| Okay... we're in the dungeon now what? |
|
You will be instructed to disrobe and to hang up your
clothes in a garment bag. (I am a smoker and though I try and keep the dungeon smoke free
it does seep in. Putting your clothes into the garment bag helps reduce the smoke
exposure)
After you've disrobed I will do a physical inspection of
your body. I am looking for marks, bruises, large moles, surgical scars and the like. If
you have scars I will ask about them. This inspection helps me know what your body looks
like BEFORE I hit it ) Or if you cannot be marked then I know what marks you already have
and I won't panic. This is also the time that I ask you about medical conditions,
allergies to things like leather, latex, rabbit fur and also if you have any phobias like
blindfolds, gags, etc.
|
|
| What if I think I am coming close to cumming?
Do I warn you about it? Say stop? |
|
If you don't want the session to
end prematurely I would! As we all know, once a male cums, he's pretty much done. So...
yes please warn me. And besides... cumming is NOT allowed until I say so!
|
|
| Do I always address you as Mistress or wait
till the session begins? |
|
During the inspection you will be
asked what title you would prefer using. "Mistress", "Ma'am",
"Star"... Once you've selected one, that will be the one you will be required to
use at all times.
|
|
| What comes first, do we work our way up the
intensity scale? I am bound to be nervous? |
|
Newcomers are always invited to
explore the dungeon. Take a toy off the wall, fondle it, swing it, hit themselves with
it... ask questions about it. I do not expect a person to play to my level. I always play
to theirs and then build up slowly to a point where it is comfortable for them. I always
check in with them to see how they're doing.
|
|
The following text was created by the same person who wrote
the above questions AFTER
our session together. Other than a few spelling and grammar corrections, I’ve pretty
much left his original text unchanged. There will be footnotes at the end of this Q&A
added by myself.
| I am really nervous about
this, what comes first? |
Never done anything like this before. I had given the first
meeting a lot of thought; I was really nervous. I had checked her website and the male
submission site to learn about the rules and make sure this was for me.
I had emailed Mistress Littlestar and filled out a
questionnaire she had sent me; we had chatted briefly online and then I called her on the
telephone. I was nervous, stammering on the phone but she reminded nothing bad was going
to happen. Just relax, be polite, be courteous and be honest when talking to her.
|
|
| What is correct dress, formal or
causal? |
I finally scheduled a session with Mistress Littlestar and
wasn't sure about a lot of things. One of them was what to wear. Ms. Star just told be to
be comfortable and that casual dress was OK.
|
|
| How do I give the donation? |
Another question I thought might
be awkward was how to leave the donation. The rates are posted clearly on her website but
I wasn't sure how to give it. Cash in envelope placed on a table in her dungeon was the
way she wanted it
|
|
| What happens when we meet? |
This was the big question. I had
lots of time to think about this, and wonder what will happen. During the drive to her
home my heart raced as I wondered what she would do first, or what I was supposed to do
first. This was my first time and I didn't want to make a mistake. When I arrived the very
first thing we did was talk! Mistress Littlestar and Mistress Brandy sat down with me and
we talked about my experiences and interests. They probably saw my hands tremble as I
sipped a glass of water and took the time to allow me to settle down. They helped remove
fears and doubts about what would happen next, answering any question I had. I felt much
more relaxed and at ease after our conversation. We went over what the session would
entail including the rules and safewords. 1
|
|
| What is a session like? |
With the rules and a plan for the
session we headed into the dungeon. The first thing Mistress Littlestar did was just show
me around. She showed me some of the equipment (toys?) she and Mistress Brandy would use
and answered any questions I had about them. Next I was told to undress and to hang up my
clothes in the closet. I was given an examination to look for marks and scars on my body.
Mistress Brandy did this so they would know what
marks were from them and which ones were already there. I really didn't want any long
lasting visible marks so they wanted to check what was already there.
Mistress Littlestar and Mistress Brandy had decided on a
session based on my beginner status and my interests. First up was some tight arm bondage
using some webbing.
Next, I was given a collar to wear with a lead. It felt great and
then they tried some flogging on my cock. After a while Mistress Littlestar asked if I
wanted to try clothespins on my nipples and cock. This was something I wasn't sure I could
handle, but she went slowly and I was surprised to find three clothespins resting on my
cock and one on each nipple. She had put them on without much pain and I was happy to find
out I could do it.
Next was a long but incredible tickling session with me stretched
spread eagle and tied to the bed. Mistress Littlestar introduced me to a game called
"Mercy". The rules were simple; cry out the word "Mercy" and whatever
was going on would stop. However there was a multiplier associated with its use; in my
case it was 3. I was required to keep track of how many times I used the word.
|
They would tickle me until I
couldn’t stand it much longer and forced to cry for mercy to end the tickling! It was
awesome! In between the tickling, the flogging and what ever else there were always
sensations...rabbit fur on the skin, a fingernail on my nipples... the slapper on my cock.
|
The sensation play was a great contrast to the sting of paddle or
slap on the butt.
|
After the tickle play I had to
pay up for all those times I cried out for mercy! I ended up owing each mistress 42
spankings! This was my first over-the-knee (OTK) spanking and it was fantastic too.
|
This was followed by my first
experience with the paddle. It stings more than the hand, it feels a little scarier, but
Mistress Littlestar has a way with the paddle. There were times when the paddling
sensation was turning more into a burning and I was just ready to say Yellow as a
safeword, and she had already stopped. She knew by watching my body when I had enough and
was able to keep it pleasant for me as a beginner.
|
After the paddling was an
introduction to cock and ball torture where Mistress Brandy and Mistress Littlestar took
turns tying my cock up. The sensation was unique and I was glad I asked them to do it.
|
The last part of the session was
a flogging on my back. I ended without any lasting marks and able to drive home which was
one of my dumb fears that I had had driving to her home!
|
|
| What happens if something feels
wrong or I don't like what is happening? |
You tell Mistress Littlestar
immediately if there is something wrong! During my session when I was tied up to the bed,
my left hand started to go numb. I told her and she fixed the binding, and checked all the
others to make sure I was OK. She stopped what they were doing immediately!
|
She cared about my safety and
wanted to make sure I was OK. Both Mistress Littlestar and Mistress Brandy had to remind
more than once to keep breathing, I guess I was trying to hold my breath or such. They
keep a keen eye on you during the session to make sure you are doing OK. If something is
not going OK, or you do not like what is happening to you, say so!
|
|
| What will we do? |
What happens in the session is
based on your experience and what you want to do. I had filled out a questionnaire sent by
Mistress Littlestar, talked to her on the phone about what I wanted, and then we talked
again before we went into the dungeon. I had a couple of taboo areas (limits) that
included no anal play and no needles. She honored my limits.
|
Before the session started She
told Mistress Brandy there was no anal play with me and that set me more at ease, knowing
things I was afraid of or did not like were not going to be included. The level of
intensity was for a beginner and she kept it easy and gentle.
|
|
| Does it hurt? Will I be able to
go home OK? |
I was wondering about this all
the time. Mistress Littlestar told me over the phone pain is bad, she doesn't do pain. And
she is right. Paddling hurts, but it isn't blindingly painful. Yes, it’s intense. But
I didn't scream out in agony (thank God, she would have thought I was a wuss).2
It is more a sensation, an intense sensation to say the least but good.
|
|
| Anything else I should know? |
When the session ended, Mistress
Littlestar and Mistress Brandy talked to me for a while, to get my opinion on how I
thought things went. Checked to see if I didn't like anything they did, what I liked the
best and an overall view of the session. They made sure my glassy eyes had cleared and
that I was OK to drive home. Mistress Littlestar asked I send her an email to make sure I
got home safe and sound. I think the most important thing is to be honest when your
talking about a session. If you are beginner, say so. If you have a desire to be tickled
say so. You will enjoy the session more and the Mistress will enjoy the session as well.
It is a win-win situation if you are honest about yourself and what you want.
|
| 1: SAFEWORDS |
| Safewords what are they? How are they used?
Safewords are a set of code words that allow the participants a way of letting their
partners know if they are in trouble, need a moment to process sensations, get their
breath back or are "good to go."In my house I use "Red, Yellow and
Green" just like the traffic signals. They have the same meanings as well. Red means
STOP. When a person uses "Red" It means that the session is over. There will be
conversation afterwards about what happened but the session will not resume. Do NOT use
the word Red unless you are serious about ending the session. Do not test a Dom/me to see
if he/she will honour the safe word. They won't be amused by it. Yellow, like the traffic signal means, "slow down" or proceed with
caution. In my house, yellow can be used to signify a hair being pulled; or a rope is too
tight or it means that you need a moment to process a sensation. It’s NOT a bad
thing. Safewords are there for your protection as well as mine. I do not require formal
use of the word "yellow" to indicate that you need me to stop. Do not hesitate
to say 'Ma'am there is one hair caught and it's driving me nuts!" or "Yellow!
That last stroke was a bit much!"
Green. Means that you are good to go! Oftentimes I will ask,
"What color are you?" and if you're having fun and everything is still okay you
need to respond with "Green". This tells me that you're okay with everything
that we've done and we're doing. In short...Safewords are NOT a sign of failure. In my
house they are a sign of trust and respect. By you using a safeword, you show me that you
are willing to help me be the best Domme for you by helping me to learn your limits and
your reactions to the things that I am doing to you. There is NO SHAME in using a
safeword.
|
|
|
| 2. Wuss |
| Crying out does NOT make you a wuss. If
anything it only adds to the energy between us. Many of us feel that moans, tears,
whimpers, giggles etc., add to the scene. It also pays us great homage. It tells us
without words, that you trust us with those very hidden, but very real emotions. That you
feel safe with us to let them out. NEVER ever think that expression of this type makes you
a wuss. It doesn’t. At least not to me! |
|
